Sukkoth…Exodus 33:12 to 34:26

It is the time of the harvest, the festival of Sukkoth. Every year, the earth brings us food. The cycle itself confirms that miracle. It’s our choice, therefore, if we want to know the fullness of the bounty and accept that confirmation or stare with fear and disbelief at all we don’t know, at the gray zone of the unseen, the distant, the unreachable.

I guess it’s not surprising then that the parasha for the Shabbat for Sukkoth deals with confirmation. If you look closely there’s a letter that is emphasized. Written in thick, it’s the letter nun in line 34:7 in the word notzer ….in English, to keep in mind or to remember.

Why is it written like this?

In one letter, we breathe in the truth that no matter how close we feel to God, no matter how much bounty we receive, in terms of light, love, beauty, food, family…there is always a piece left for us to fill in. This is a gift. In order to really understand the power of this nun however, we need to look at it in the context of the parasha.

First, let’s imagine. We are in the midst of a work of art. We feel good about it most of the time. Sometimes though we wonder if we are choosing the right colors. We stare at it a bit dumbfounded. Where have gotten the energy from? What is next? Are we crazy to be trying this anyway? Are we just pretending or is our vision worthwhile? Are we the one to be painting now; this moment?

This is (how I believe) Moses feels when he implores God in 33:12 to reveal Himself to him. Unless You accompany us (he says) how can it be known that I and your people are pleasing to You? God then agrees to reveal Himself…but (God says) you cannot have a vision of My Presence. A man cannot have a vision of me and still exist. Moses then is told to go to a place where he will see what follows from God’s existence…the essence will not be seen. In short, even Moses, the great prophet, can touch God, speak words with God, hear words of God, walk to the place of God, see what follows from Him in the past or future, be discerned by Him(I know you by name), and discern Him…but he cannot have a solid visual.

These ways of connecting with God are often seen as gates. There are certainly many more. The cabalists specify that there are fifty. Therefore, believe it or not, I’ve only named a few. What has been said, though, is that Moses walks through 49 of the 50. So even Moses cannot have the complete confirmation for which we all yearn. He can not know God in every way, in other words… own Him. True, if God were owned He would not exist. He would be an idol, and we would be idol worshippers. Now let’s look at the letter resh. It is often enlarged in the writing of the scriptures so that the word Echod not be mistakenly read as Echor…so that one God not be mistaken with another God. Once again we are shown the connection between pure love, the yearning for confirmation, and the idol worship that can result from that yeaning. We are more than shown. With the enlargement of resh, we are warned.

To continue, Moses then carves out two more tablets for himself and, as told, arises the next morning and goes to stand on the mountain peak. God reveals Himself in a cloud and that’s when Moses proclaims His greatness. This is a powerful moment when we can absorb divine presence through the gates of Moses. Moses experiences God for us. We experience God through him. God (Moses says) remembers deeds of love for thousands of generations. In another translation, God keeps mercy unto the thousandth generation. And here we are, at the word notzer….to keep in mind or to remember.

What is being said here? On the one hand, given the parasha, we can’t know God completely. On the other hand, we must act as if we do. We must honor God for remembering us, our deeds of love…for keeping mercy. Made in God’s image, we are to do the same. So we can’t see love. We can’t own it. We can’t be God. We can’t own Him. We don’t want to. We can only be in God’s image. We can only keep that gate open and allow the love to flow from and to us in the form of light or a cloud or a kind word or an action.

Not surprisingly, the letter nun itself (in cabbala) represents the number 50. How beautiful then that the nun is emphasized, written very thick in Torah, at this important moment. This large letter confirms the fact that despite all he is given, not even Moses can enter the 50th gate. It says it’s all right. God, to be God, can’t be completely known. It protects us. And it opens our hearts to the gift of our faith. Not only are we capable, but we want to fill in that missing piece, to recognize the bounty even while accepting the grey zone.

It’s not easy sometimes. The light goes away. Our faith dwindles. Without confirmation, we begin to think, there isn’t a God. But ironically, the opposite is true. Only without confirmation does He exist. Only without confirmation can we have the gift of conviction. Only with the unknown can we know. We cannot walk through many gates. We cannot paint the perfect picture of the divine. And who would want that anyway? Who would want to throw away one God simply to paint what could never be a masterpiece?

So, may we all be happy with who we are! May we love the light within us! May we honor the masterpiece, the unseen, the beautiful! May we accept God as He is and know that the acceptance is self love. May we shine in God’s bounty! May we open our gates and find more because we know it is safe. May we do this together, in the joy of the moment and may we eternally rest in the soft smile of the sacred.