Yom Kippur Cycle Two Genesis 16 and 18...and HaAzinu Deuteronomy 32

Yom Kippur and HaAzinu Cycle Two

Transmission is the action of being seen.

Of course, vision goes beyond the eyes…through the skin, the hands, the heart, the breath.

Repeat. Transmission is the action of being seen.

This has been an epiphany for me and it happened after years (and maybe lifetimes) of trying to figure the nature of transmission. It happened after chanting Torah on Rosh Hashana. It was a group effort, of course, rising into the akeda, one offering by one community.

Certainly when you chant God, some veil of God is seen. And at the same time the community is seeing you. Therefore it’s happening at once…the offering up of the sounds and silence..the transmission/reception…the fire dancing in, dancing out. The power is mesmerizing, heart breaking. It leaves you breathless, tears in your eyes, exposed, your flaws, beauty, fears, the scrapes, the burns. You are released. And if this is what I feel I experienced and I’m just me…I can’t help but wonder…what about Nadav and Abihu?

But let’s not jump ahead of ourselves. I think transmission…the intangible action of being seen… is what connects Bereshit 21 and 22 to Vayikra 16 and 18. After all, we are all at times returning to Beersheba like Abraham. And though we may try, we can’t use words to express transformation, the seal of the covenant, or the uprooting and uplifting. It’s not easy describing an enlightening experience. Sure, we can say, an angel visited us. But who would believe? And here in Ashland, who wouldn’t just yawn and think, another angel? As for being seen...look at our prayer books…there is so much longing and description of God as if seen. Look at HaAzinu (Deuteronomy 32). It’s all imagery so that God can be seen.

There’s a certain twist here. After all, when transmitting you expect to be taking steps towards others. You, after all, are doing it. Instead, once the ego is shot out of the hemisphere, the one to receive is the one stepping forward. Often, something solid is given to mark the moment, maybe a hug, laughter, a song. In my opinion, the more solid, the more the mutual transmission/reception is sealed.

But what about transmission from God? Of course, it’s up to us to make the approach. No doubt, for every step we take in the action of seeing, God takes seven in the action of seeing us. God transmits to us and we transmit to God. Then why is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement…also the Day of Concealment? Why is the word kippur …meaning both to atone and to conceal…mentioned again and again in the description of the Yom Kippur ritual? And why is the only logical translation when first used (16:2)…conceal? What does concealment have to do with atonement anyway? Must God remain concealed? Then how can we receive His transmission? What if we peak just a bit? Is that a bad thing to do? What do we get to mark the moment?

This is what I think. We already have the ability to see at some level beyond the concealment so there’s no reason to peak. To mark the moment of vision we get life, generations of life. A rainbow. A cut. A covenant making the sight real. And what do we get if we fully see, if God is no longer concealed at all? Simple. We get death.

Death is therefore the act of full transmission from God.

The amazing thing about Nadav and Abihu is that because they are seen dying by the whole community and because they are then dead ( 16:1) they experience…at the center of the energy of the fire, the animals and the incense… the absolute gift. They are the fusion of reception and transmission, the fine light, an offering within an offering.

Now let’s look at Aaron. He knows why his sons died. But he must continue as a priest. He has to trust, to enter the holy of holies with his own bull, the one from his heart, two goats and one ram. He has to pay attention to the details even if there’s pain, deep pain. He moves closer even if it’s what his beloved sons did just before the concealment dropped. No doubt, Aaron feels God, sees with his mind, his heart, his hands, with the blood that he sprinkles seven times up to heaven and once on the earth. This is quite a moment…you can even say that Yom Kippur commemorates the specific day when Aaron experienced the concealment (and therefore the vision) of God.

So, here’s the next question. How, like Moses and Aaron, can we have the courage to transmit and receive? How do we learn to reach beyond the concealment and see into the blur? How do we know the boundaries? How do we have the courage to be seen more?

I don’t have any answers. There are certain things though we may want to think about. First, we may want to create a treasure box as our kadosh beit…the inner sanctuary…so the light of God can flow strong. We may want to be discerning with the offerings (knowing that even the goat led off the mountain is a vital part of the service). We may want to enter the holy of holies trusting that our sight, our ram or bull and the divine sparks in our eyes will in fact penetrate a veil of the divine…and that’s all right.

We may want to accept our vulnerability and our own limitations in the moment. We may want to look closely at the white spaces in chapter 18 that (simply through being) represent the unconcealed divine juxtaposed to that which must remain concealed in man. It’s about protection, wearing a filter that comes from the earth, the linen, fibers that stay solid and can easily conduct heat and the fire of God, that receive and lose/transmit (water) rapidly. It’s about making sure that the offering itself…the chanting of Torah…conceals God like the smoke coming off the incense offering. And when a part of you is being seen and you transmit, it’s about making sure that you are clear and kind, that your gift can be held strong by those who are receiving. And it’s about accepting that your transmission might not be liked or accepted, that it might even be mocked or seen as strange or misunderstood.

And then, it’s about having the courage to walk out of the holy of holies while keeping it strong, (before after and during) about keeping the definitions pure, not confusing them father to daughter, son to aunt, blood to blood.

For me, the greatest challenge has been this idea of being seen. After all, people can say…what is she doing, so in love with this scroll? Why has she changed? And there you stand with your heart open being carried off (but not in full) in a whirl of sparks, the one that cleans and purifies your lungs and you are never more real, beautiful, grounded. And Abraham is returning to BeerSheba and the angel has said enough for now. You have seen enough…for now. You do not need more. You do not need to offer up Isaac, your only son. And Nadav and Abihu have offered themselves up voluntarily. They have let the partition fall. And Moses is close to seeing all and dying. And we see Moses and Aaron. We receive from them. We approach them. And through them God is partly seen and it’s all right. In fact, it’ great. And the reception and transmission swirl into a continuum so everyone, hearts open, can be released into the concealment, into and beyond submission, into the core of the pounding vision, the pounding light.

So may we atone for the moments when we stand back in doubt, when because of fear and ego we refuse to transmit….for our fear… for a lack of compassion…the misuse of prayer and words…any hurtful action caused by our impatience as we grow…for the excuses we make to put off God….for not forgiving others or ourselves…for not letting go…for building a wall to block out reception and love. May we send the right goat off the cliff. May we trust in a concealed God. May we all cling to love, return fast and sure, and stand there radiant and protected, concealed but seen like God and true. May we strengthen our holy of holies so the light can fill the hollows of our hands (chafnav 16:12) and may we be Torah for each other as we chant for eternity.