Exodus Cycle Three Ki Thisa 30:11 to 34:35

Ki Thisa

What is the gilded calf? Some might say it’s the shadow within us, always morphing into new masks, new appearances. Even more, it keeps coming back. In other words, it never disintegrates no matter how much we grind it into our food-for-thought, our philosophies. It hits us hardest when we think we have journeyed beyond it. In other words, just as we begin seeing ourselves as vessels intended for the raising of inner-light, there it is…. the merge of our superficial sparkly-stuff, our earrings. Our egos. It’s good at carrying the pretense of inner-radiance. But it can’t fool us.

Yes, in Ki Thisa we have begun to open our eyes. We know our worth so we can (here and now) be active in our very self-offering. We have opened our senses through the incense for purification. And we have super-opened our every cell through the commandments concerning Shabbat. We are rising. And then there it is, possibly the biggest bring-down in the history of mankind. There it stands without a cubit-measurement recorded, without any known defining feature (except for the fact that yes it is a calf). Not an answer. Not a question mark. Not in a demon’s outfit. Just there.

What does it mean? Well, it means we need to deal with it. But how? Let’s try and find clues.

Here’s one clue….the verb sh’lach. I threw (v’eshlichehu) the gold into the fire, Aaron says, and this is what came out (32:24). Of course, this is Aaron’s interpretation of what happened so it’s real to him.

Similarly, in another use of the root word shlach, Moses threw the tablets (written with the finger of God) and shattered them under (tachat) the mountain (32:19).

Here we have the priest (Aaron) trying to deal with the people and the prophet (Moses) trying to deal with God and they both end up throwing the tools for the most sacred and the most profane. In case number one, the throw creates the idol. In case number two, the throw shatters the holy pieces under the mountain (and in my opinion thereby creates the opening for rebirth and renewal). What’s important here is that the very same root word is chosen for both actions. And it isn’t like this word is everywhere in this parasha. Though I admit it comes up again. This is when God is upset at the Israelites. He says He will sh’lach (send) an angel to move before them so that He (God) won’t have to accompany them (33:2).

Rabbi Nachman says this: All wisdom comes from on high, each concept emanating from its proper place. Each idea has its own place. There are thousands and thousands of different levels. All discoveries, sacred or profane, have a root above, each in its own particular place.

So, according to Rabbi Nachman the use of the same root word (sh’lach) could easily indicate that the actions are equally rooted to God above.

We know that Moses is rooted deep. He has been in/on the mountain for 40 days. He hasn’t just walked in and given the half shekel of his worth and received the blue-print of the mishkan in return. He has brought himself into a state of mind (altered) so that he can pull his sparks through his being to meet those of Hashem. He has allowed his name, his self, his being, to be shed from his inner core so that core can rise. Moses is literarally bahar, in the mountain for 40 days. Of course he becomes rooted in the God-essence, the God-nutrients. In Deuteronomy (5:5) we read I stood between you and God at that time to tell you God’s words since you were in awe of the fire and did not go in the mountain. Here Moses himself admits that he is rooted. In Talmud (Bava Batra 10b) R. Abahu records that Moses asks God how Israel could get that intimate…How should the horn of Israel be exalted? Through taking their ransom for God. Taking their ransom? Better said, by raising their heads so that they can integrate with the most holy.

The truth is though there’s another level altogether. That’s the level in which we can bring God to us. After the calf Moses can now speak to God right at his very own tent. He can get about as close as possible in his human form. He can receive the thirteen attributes. Before the calf the Moses-God connection is through miracles or in the mountain. It’s in the God-space, away from the people in its vibrational intensity. After the calf God brings His voice to Moses within the very edge of our human realm. The mishkan (accoding to Rashi) is instructed after the calf. And there, between the two cherubim, God’s voice can be heard.

Let’s look at Aaron. How rooted is he? He is personally involved in the miracles that enable our Exodus from Egypt. In Numbers 17:22 his staff blossoms. There must be roots involved in that scene. Here’s more. God continually speaks to Moses to tell Aaron. You can’t help but think that there’s something hierarchical going on. Rashi says that the reason why Aaron asks the people to take off their golden jewelry is to delay the action of idolatry. This is nice of Rashi. By the time he is throwing the jewelry into the fire though Aaron is (no doubt) involved in the creation of something dark. And it’s the same dark thing that Moses grinds down and makes the people drink .It’s the same dark thing that brings about a plague and a killing of 3,000 idolaters. The sh’lach of Aaron is a lot more difficult to understand, to integrate. But we have to do it anyway. Because in the integration of Aaron and his actions we also integrate all things rooted, Moses included, God included. And they integrate us.

Much has been written about the anger of Moses, about Aaron and the calf. What has also been written is the importance of the event in the expansion and contraction of our intimacy with God as a people. And this is why (I believe) the verb sh’lach is used in both circumstances. Both actions are powerfully inter-connected. Both are necessary as we breathe in and out, as we get closer, get farther. Just as we protect our growth, with the same energy we must visualize our shadows and integrate them no matter how painful.

And as Rabbi Nachman says, there are many levels of calf-dom. What might be a calf to one is not a calf to another. Some of us actively raise- up inner light. Others read prayers with mechanical zeal. This is the way it is. Here we are all of us trying together to collect and propel our sparks as close to Hashem as possible. What’s important is that for whatever the reason, whatever the circumstances, whatever emotions or mistakes or pain or joy…that we do it. That we shlach the gold into the fire to make our shadow come real or we shlach the tablets on the ground to protect the divine or we witness as God sh’lachs the angel. What’s important is that we see and act when the gilded calf is once again (no reason to be shocked) just there.

So may we be artists of all that is holy. May we use our spark and our inner ability to propel and sh’lach to bring all closer to Hashem. May we refrain from defining actions or ourselves and integrate what we can and may God also integrate us. May we have boundaries and watch ourselves carefully. May we hear God’s voice in the center of the mishkan of action. May we walk in God’s ways with chesed and grace and compassion as we raise each other to the place of Divine Love.