Deuteronomy Cycle Five Ekev

Ekev

Ekev is a beautiful parasha. There’s one line that has attracted me for years.  It’s line 10:16.  Umaltem  ait arlot  levavchem  v’arpechem lo  takshu  ode.

Circumcise the foreskin of your heart and do not remain so stubborn anymore!

Circumcise the foreskin of your heart!

And this we receive right after we get the review of the second tablets and God says, rise up (get moving) and march into the land that I have promised to your fathers!

What does all of this mean? Well there’s an immediacy in Ekev.  And it’s certainly related to the idea of circumcision.  Heart-circumcision. This of course is something that none of us can do literally.  Not without some major incision and a lot of pain. But we can imagine getting rid of the stuff that stops us from truly feeling. We can cut away in our minds the outer layer of grime that seems to cling to our heart…and to our soul.

I could lecture forever on the symbolism here. What I want to focus on though is the equality inferred by the statement.   Historically there has been a strong bias in Judaism towards  men. This is not news. Judaism is a patriarchal religion.  This verse though shows that when it comes down to it, to the real nitty gritty, women and men are equal.

Everyone might not have a penis, but everyone has a heart.

Since things are changing fast (we are not remaining so stubborn anymore) I want to share two experiences   I’ve had  as a female rabbinic student. The question though is how to get moving  in a way that is…yes….Torah.

First though, let’s look at the trials of the female rabbinic student.

Ah, to be such a student in 2012!   Often, when faced with certain interpretations we women have a choice: we fight them with anger and possible or feigned intellectual superiority (and it is not easy to fight our Talmudic rabbis) apologize for them (they couldn’t help it, it was their era) or just give up and work our way around it. For me, none of this works. I have never wanted to be an aggressive in-your-face feminist.  I always thought by acting this way I’d just be proving those chauvinist men perfectly right. I’m certainly not about to apologize for Rav, one of the greatest rabbis in Judaism. And I’m also not willing to get stomped on with an understanding smile on my face.

So then, what to do?

Let’s look at my first experience.

It has to do with a mystic, a brilliant and kind man. A student of Schlomo,  today he leads  a school in Jerusalem where, by the way, he also teaches women. I met him when he did a meditation at AJR, the school that I attend in Los Angeles. I was intrigued and we started an email conversation. It covered kabbalah, the weekly parsha. Time would pass and there would be silence and then one of us would get the conversation going again. When I had the opportunity to go to Israel last year I met him for tea by Jaffa gate.  He encouraged me on my path as a mystic as a  prophetess and as a female leader.  Then, about two months later I was trying to put together a project and I emailed him, asking for his reference. He immediately emailed back that he could not offer a reference because he did not believe that women should be rabbis.

Next experience:  I’m taking a summer class with Yitzchak Buxbaum, a magid who also studied with Schlmo. Half the students in the class are alumni.  One AJR graduate is a conservative rabbi from North Carolina. She talks about her men at the schul. She looks feminine, long hair, thin, fifties. I'm fascinated by her because honestly,  as difficult as it was years ago to become a reform rabbi, and as impossible to go for  orthodox, the conservative route as a woman  was next to impossible. She’s tough. The teacher  is soft. She controls the class conversation one day and the subject is women.  So Yitzchak decides to go around the class to see how we deal with it. The women mostly just shrug and agree with her combativeness. They want to get on with his lecture. The men are being really careful with their words.  I decide to break the mold…not unusual for me…and I say how thankful I am for the women before me  because I can stand on their shoulders. In other words, I say, I don’t see a reason to fight;  I feel that the way to deal with the subject is to be the best rabbi I can be and to treat everyone with loving kindness and compassion. I say that if we act this way than the men can really see that we deserve to be rabbis.

During the break this woman approaches me and almost chops my head off. She says that we women need to stick together, that by disagreeing with her I created a gaping hole in her argument. She  says that it’s all right, I’m just a rabbinic student but I will learn.

Today I have learned: The female rabbi is right. We women do need to stick together. But with balance.  We need to find a way to try not to push each other down, not to at “anti-Torah” and “anti-Talmud” each other.  No matter the situation. No matter our personal challenges. No matter how some of the literal p’shat interpretations might cause us to seethe. No matter personal problems, financial considerations, understood insecurities,  the kids, the home, the career, the itchings of the soul.

Not easy. But we have this great opportunity here. It is said that Rav would walk long distances to apologize to those who had done him wrong. This for peace.  This is the true way of the rabbi. We can be like Rav and  help each other find that heightened place. Let’s put it this way. We are all familiar with the term ba’al-teshuvah.  Placed as low as we have been, we have the opportunity to be the ishah-teshuvah. We are the women here and now of this moment who can use compassion and love to cause the world to turn.  And we can only do this if we lift each other up. We can reshape our fear with the fire of wisdom, faith and compassion….and circumcise the heart of the world