Deuteronomy Cycle Five Ki Thetze

Ki Thetze

We all want to learn. And we often learn much more when we place ourselves in uncomfortable situations, those that challenge our habits and expectations.

When we do so we often re-discover the once unattainable corners of our own soul.

 It is always optional. There’s nothing that we have to do (one can say) but to follow the mitzvoth.

However, the rabbis of Talmud say that we want to go beyond the expectation. We want to bring ourselves to a space that is challenging though not necessary, a space beyond our usual giving, sharing, helping. A space of survival, both spiritual and physical, a space of newness.

Once we do that we may be shocked or gladdened by what we see. It’s as if we are finding a whole new beauty and ugliness though. The extremes become deeper. Our perspective shifts.  There’s more work to be done, work that is seemingly impossible, necessary and possible to clinch, work that can lead not only to a finer self-understanding  but far greater intimacy with Hashem.

This teaching is very much within Ki Thetze. The real challenge posed in this parsha is not how to go out and do the action beyond our normal consciousness, but what to do once we’ve found those hidden sparks.

The parsha begins when you go out to war. According to Rashi this isn’t the necessary war against idolatry and those people who spread fear, doubt and the disease of the heart.  This is about the optional war. Rashi claims this because if we were fighting the Canaanites (those who practice idolatry) we wouldn’t be taking captives…and in this parasha we do.  We take the captive of a beautiful woman, the Shechinah, the God-on earth.  No,  this is a war that we’ve chosen to fight. It’s the hurdle within ourselves we’ve chosen to overcome because doing so will bring us to a more intimate understanding of Hashem.

Here’s an example. This is how I recently placed myself in a new situation.  Recently, my teens needed to  find transportation to Orcas Island. They were asked to be counselors for the final week at a camp where they’ve been counselors and/or campers for years.  For good reason, they wanted to go. Since only one  could drive I decided to help out with the trip and camp out on the island for that week.

Well, as I write this I’m still on Orcas and camping at Obstruction Pass. It could be a Bob Dylan tune or Torah.  Here I am, no longer young, camping alone when not long ago I didn’t even know how to pitch a tent or start a fire. Simply doing this has brought up all kinds of stuff, great joy and realizations. The amazing beauty of the bay at night, the people I’ve had the opportunity to meet, the feeling when I finally managed to start a fire…and a big one…the self empowerment, all of this has offered a purifying effect, a mind-blowing almost humorous window looking onto a landscape of self of which the map was (at least) partially dated. 

   

The problem however arises when we are faced with disparate influences, disparate parts, different maps-of-self. We need to learn somehow to bring all of these parts to one heart. 

 In terms of my camping trip, there are not showers or even running water. But there is isolation.  You give some, you get some, you get the experience you need.   It isn’t all meditation, I have realized. There’s a huge amount of work involved in simple survival. There’s a great happiness when you run into someone on the same trip. There’s a new appreciation of humanity. 

 

In short, when we bring in even more, when we explore the places that are new,  we need to look at ourselves very carefully and figure a way to come to terms with our transformation.  Our fears, joys, yearnings. Our  kindness. Our boundaries. We want to find a way to bring all of this to one heart.  The absolute yearning is to join them into one core center so that our decisions and actions will be focused with a strong and deliberate intent. 

Ki Thetze deals with this difficulty of connection. It demonstrates two issues side by side that seem impossible to connect.  We go out and we find a beautiful woman. We bring her home and she has to drop her masks before we marry her…but we can marry her. On the contrary, we find that our own genes, our own family rejects us. Therefore it says to stone the wayward son to death.

The need to place aside the literal is obvious. We do not take women captives and turn them into whores. We do not kill our own progeny. There is more here and it’s found in the realm of symbol. Both the beautiful woman and the wayward son symbolize aspects within our own selves. They symbolize the two disparate maps of which I speak.

Let’s put it this way…..We embrace the beauty/holiness that we find beyond our self-imposed limitations . And we get rid of even the our greatest inner joy  if it is hurting our connection with God.  We bring it all in and we look at it all not in terms of how close it is to our physical humanity, our life experience, our judgments, our way-of-being, our way-of-survival. We decide what stays and what goes by seeing if it brings us closer to God. What map works the best? What can we take from one and take from the other? What road has become an impasse?  What are the newly carved paths?

This is about opening our perspective, getting out of our unconscious box. It’s about reaching beyond that which feels safe and within to that which has always felt safe but really isn’t anymore.

I think the big question we need to ask ourselves is this: What are we blocking from ourselves? How can we be more in touch with the love of Hashem beyond our egos and even our very physicality?

It’s a hard question to ask, and even a harder one to answer. If a camping trip won’t help in getting you to that point of access, try whatever it is that will work. Just do it. Don’t get stuck on anything, not the literal interpretations of Torah, the need to apologize for the literal interpretations, or the need to fight them.

Find an optional hurdle to jump and fly into a whole new spectrum of vision.

Tomorrow I will be getting the children and going home.  I’m still processing this adventure. I do know however that it has been crucial in my growth and spiritual development.  One of the happiest moments I had was sitting around the campfire with three complete strangers.  The flames were wild, the moon was almost full, the bay was quiet and the mountains in the distance were lit up.

 

Love is easier when we are purified. God is closer when we fly beyond our egos in our self-evaluation.  Even the pain is not as mind-boggling because the world is so new. You forget what pain is.  You just are.