Genesis Cycle Six Chayai Sarah

 Chayai Sarah

An eighteen year old boy, a student of mine, recently wrote about the murder of his mother by his step father. She couldn’t defend herself and he was seven. A twenty year old girl (another student) shared with me how she was imprisoned in a house for five years because of the paranoia and religious acclivity of her father. Her mother went along with the abuse.  A Mexican woman (also a student) was not permitted by her husband to learn English even though they were living in Oregon. Now she is divorced and sitting in my class…learning to write in English. 

What does this have to do with Chayai Sarah?

Chayai Sarah  is about the necessity to secure the feminine, in life and beyond. Abraham needs to secure a plot to bury his wife Sarah and he also needs to secure a wife for his son Isaac.  Whether in the earth or walking on it, the feminine is necessary for both physical and spiritual survival. This clear fact…a way of being that can also be likened to the reach for beauty… has historically threatened women.

  

 But what is the feminine? Well many of us would concur that the feminine is what makes a woman a woman. It’s abstract. Modern society certainly has successfully placed the feminine in a box: Who isn’t going to visualize the softness, the patience, the vulnerability, the power, the sweetness, the voice, the openness, the sensitivity, the humility, the boundaries and beauty that the feminine infers? It’s the girl-piece, the place of emotions, the seat of miracles.

 

Well just as modern society sees the feminine a certain way so did the people in Torah and those who wrote it. As we read in line 24:44 the woman  Rivkah is such a perfect fit given the situation that  it seems (to the servant) that she is chosen by God for  his master. According to the servant (we might deduce) Rivkah acts as a woman should. For that era therefore she is the perfect vessel for the feminine.

 What do we do about this today?  If we could wash away (as much as possible) all of the stuff placed on us by modern society, if we could look beyond archaic metaphor in our sacred writings, if we could infuse the concept of feminine of Torah into a world that is changing rapidly what would we now see? If we look at the feminine head-on, in truth and with courage, what do we do with it?  What can we learn from our own sacred writings as well as from other cultures? How can we then begin to act in a way that’s in line with world peace and therefore God?

This is an important question. This is important now given the huge changes the world has experienced when it comes to the feminine and women.

The non-voter, the housewife, the architectural assistant, the secretary, the nurse, the rabbi’s wife, the cook, the child-care expert, the ballerina suddenly in no time blossomed into shoulder-pad wearing choreographers and rabbis, politicians and real estate moguls, CEOs and top rated chefs. Of course now the shoulder pads are gone but a female lawyer can easily skewer a man in court or in multi million dollar business deals. In fact, many middle aged women today were trained to do exactly that.  

  

How do we compare these women…for many of us ourselves… to the sweet Sarah and Rivkah of Torah? 

And here’s the answer. We don’t.  This is why: The woman of Torah was the sole keeper of the feminine. Today, we women are no longer that. Even more, every culture studies Torah with varying degrees of focus. The Orthodox will see the subservience of Rivkah. The Reform Jew might focus on her independence when she leaves her family. A student of Torah will notice that the acquiring of the land for the body of Sarah uses interesting language.  The way the land finally “kum” or rises can clearly reflect the way decisions rise to Rivkah. Nothing is done concerning Rivkah until she either agrees or disagrees. Nothing can be done for Sarah until the land rises through the ownership of Avraham to her. These women, even in Torah, even thousands of years ago, were masters of their destiny during and after life.

 My opinion is this: The feminine is crucial for our survival but it isn’t the women’s responsibility anymore to guard it alone. The feminine has gone beyond itself. In its openness, it has been opened. The softness, the beauty, the humility, the miracles, the power, the wisdom, the gentleness, the graciousness…these are all holy attributes and women like men want to aim to embody them. But women are no longer to be judged by how well they can be secured. 

And here’s the message as it pertains to us now: Women do not have to be feminine to be safe. Enough women have been murdered and raped, slammed down, humiliated, prisoners to their homes, refused respect and stigmatized for their beauty or talent. It’s time to move on. And the only way to do it is if women recognize the beauty of the feminine and the necessity of it in our world….and seek like Avraham to be it… but not necessarily to depend on it for food, shelter and respect.

The woman is now a metaphor for strength and spiritual connection. The woman is the eagle. Let it remain that way.

As Abraham Isaac Kook says: When you ascend to greater heights you raise yourself to a more noble fellowship, to surroundings of greater splendor. And everything aspires, longs, yearns, according to a pattern that is adorned with holiness and girded with beauty.